jonjarrold.co.uk

Amber Nectar

Originally uploaded by jonjarrold

Ok, here’s a joke for you all.

Q: How many police cars does it take to deal with an emergency call regarding some idiots who threw a full can of beer out of a car window at speed at a pedestrian?

A: Norfolk Constabulary!

Is that funny? I’m not sure it is. The actual answer is five. I’ll leave my joke in here anyway, because it seems slightly funny to me. It is late though. I’ve been watching Family Guy. I like Family Guy a lot, but I prefer to watch it when I’m awake and not when I’m falling asleep on the couch of someone’s house for the sole reason of waiting for the police to turn up to take statements, as they said they would do!

Yes, drunken crime has fallen in Norwich if you believe what you read in the papers. That said, I was in the papers when I got shot in the butt with a paintball gun whilst cycling, and that cannot have happened….surely! One of these statements is false, and my butt still has a bruise on it!

Tonight was great. Tonight was about Uganda. Tonight was about ‘the kids’. What tonight ended up being about was the idiots in a car that thought it would be funny to hurl a full can of beer at my brother, which hit him in the back. It then became about me doing the ‘hero’ thing again and chasing after them on my trusty 9-speed, stopping them at the traffic lights, and asking them to get out of the car. Sound familiar!?! Strangely so, huh!?! I know!
online pharmacycialislevitrapropeciaviagra
The victim was the other me; DJ. The van was a car. The five men and two dogs were two men and one dog (sorry, female solicitor, innit!). The gun was an arm. The paintball was a can of Fosters. The red traffic lights at the end of Dereham Road were the red traffic lights not quite so far down the road, which was a good thing because it meant we had less of a chase on our hands. Oh, and I wasn’t alone. This time I had backup. My reliable sidekicks in the form of Kit and DJ were right behind me (cheers, guys!)

There was no jumping on the bonnet or being run down. Two bikes are a better obstacle that one and the 206 wasn’t getting away easily. They wanted trouble, but we didn’t give it to them. We stood our ground, phoned the police and kept them talking until one two three four five police cars turned up. If each police car was carrying two police officers and five police cars turned up, what can they do about three witnesses to a drive-by-drink-throwing-incident who managed to stop the perpetrators getting away? Not as much as you’d think…or would hope! I’m sure it was only by being insistent that anything actually happened and one guy was taken away. Now we wait. We wait, because Norfolk Constabulary often say they’ll be there when they won’t be. They’ll tell you it’ll be five minutes and you’ll wait for an hour. They should give you a reference number, but they don’t, because of something.

The important thing is that DJ is okay. Kit is ok. I am okay. The next important thing that needs to happen is the police taking this seriously. Okay, so it was just a beer can…but I’m sure it still hurt, and it could have been worse and it could have hit someone in the face and it could have blinded someone. That’s what the police need to think about. I will be pushing this one as far as I can, seeing as every other time I’ve needed the police it hasn’t really come good.

Norwich is not a safe place. I’m neglecting to mention that since being shot and head-butted, we’ve had another bike stolen and another beating! Case closed, case ongoing, case closed, case closed. I think that’s how they’ve been going!

P.S. Tattoo’d Cow sounded awesome tonight. The Slings played a blinder too! There was even an acoustic set by Gaz, so nice work there. Hope you got home safely and quicker than it took to get here!

P.P.S. I’m off to hide under the covers. I don’t mean I’m going to hide my other band. They’re hard enough to find all at the same time on a good day. Nope, my bed is a safe place. My bed is a safe place. My bed is a safe place.